Hey there, influencer-free investors!
I’m crammed into this tiny apartment. Coffee mugs stacked high like they’re one nudge from a caffeine collapse. My desk is a mess of brokerage statements, one boring index fund screenshot, and a notebook labeled “stop watching TikTok finance bros.” Muffin the cat is giving me that “you used to doomscroll investing reels at 2 a.m., now you just nap” smug look while I sip my brew and try not to laugh at how much calmer my nervous system feels.
For years I was deep in the influencer trap. Scrolling X, TikTok, YouTube, Reddit — chasing the next “10x stock,” the “secret strategy,” the “guy who retired at 32.” Every video ended the same way: “Like, subscribe, turn on notifications, and buy my course.”
I bought courses. I chased trends. I panic-bought crypto at peaks. I sold index funds during dips because some 24-year-old with a Lambo thumbnail said “recession incoming.”
My portfolio looked like regret on a chart.
Then I quit cold turkey. Unfollowed everyone. Deleted apps. Went dark.
And weirdly… my investing got better.
This is my real, unpolished story. No “follow me for signals” pitch. Just me, my influencer detox, and a cat who thinks financial TikTok is just another bird video to ignore.
Let’s dive in.
Before: The Influencer Doomscroll
I’m hunched over my phone at 1 a.m. Light from the screen lighting up my face like a horror movie. Muffin judging me from the pillow.
Every night the same cycle:
- See a reel: “This stock is going 100x”
- Feel FOMO
- Buy at the top
- Watch it drop 30%
- See another reel: “Market crash coming, sell everything”
- Sell at the bottom
- Miss the recovery
- Feel stupid
- Repeat
I had three different “gurus” I followed religiously. One sold crypto courses. One pumped penny stocks. One was all about “passive income properties” (that he never seemed to own).
My net worth? Sideways at best. Mostly down.
I was paying attention to the loudest voices instead of the quiet math.
Muffin finally had enough. He walked across my phone, hit the power button, screen went black.
I stared at the dark screen.
Maybe he was right.
Could I invest without anyone telling me what to do?
The Influencer-Free Investing Plan
These are boring, proven, low-drama systems that require zero influencer input. No gurus. No signals. No “secret strategies.”
I rebuilt everything from scratch using only public data, basic math, and common sense.
1. One-Stop Index Fund Auto-Invest (The Core)
Opened Vanguard or Fidelity.
Picked two ETFs:
- VTI (total US stock market)
- VXUS (total international ex-US)
Set auto-transfer $100–$500/month from checking.
Auto-buy on the 1st or payday.
No rebalancing needed if you keep the ratio simple (70/30 or 80/20).
Check twice a year.
Why it works without influencers: No one can “beat the market” long-term. This is the market. You own it all.
2. Target-Date Retirement Fund (Zero Decisions)
Bought one fund: Vanguard Target Retirement 2050 (or whatever year you plan to retire).
Auto-invest monthly.
The fund:
- Starts aggressive (90% stocks)
- Slowly becomes conservative (more bonds)
- Auto-rebalances forever
Check once a year or less.
Why it works: Built-in glide path. No timing. No rebalancing. No influencer needed to tell you when to get “safer.”
3. Dividend Growth ETF Auto-Reinvest
Bought SCHD (Schwab U.S. Dividend Equity ETF).
Auto-invest monthly.
Dividends auto-reinvest.
Check quarterly.
Why it works: Steady companies raise dividends over time. You get small “paychecks” without selling shares. No hype needed.
4. High-Yield Savings Ladder (No Market Risk)
Split emergency fund across:
- High-yield savings (Ally/Marcus ~4–5%)
- 6-month CD
- 12-month CD
- 24-month CD
Renew automatically.
Interest auto-deposits.
Why it works: Guaranteed return. No volatility. No influencer can talk you out of safety.
5. “Panic-Proof” Rules on Paper
Wrote three rules on one page:
- I will not sell any investments unless I lose my job or have a medical emergency.
- I will not buy any individual stock or crypto.
- I will not change my allocation more than once a year.
Taped it to my desk. Shared it with one trusted friend.
Why it works: Removes 99% of emotional decisions. Influencers can’t reach you if you’re not looking.
I started with Target-Date auto-invest + high-yield ladder. Added panic-proof rules.
That curry spill? I laughed. Rounded it up to invest the difference.
Muffin naps on my rules page—zero-drama cat!
How I Actually Used Them (Real Monthly Flow)
Month 1: Setup
Auto-invest $200/month into 2050 target-date.
High-yield ladder started with $2,000.
Rules taped up.
No daily checking.
Month 2: First Dip
Market dropped 5%. Didn’t open app.
Friend texted: “You selling?”
Replied: “Rules say no.”
Market recovered. Slept fine.
Month 3: Slow Build
Added $50/month more.
Fund up 4%. No action taken.
Buffer interest $7.
Month 4: Win
Portfolio up ~6%. No trades.
Buffer at $2,400.
Peace of mind > any short-term gain.
My Take: Wins, Woes, Tips
Not exciting returns. But boring wins are the best wins.
Wins
- No panic trades
- Sleep through market drops
- Auto-pilot running silently
Woes
- Slow growth feels boring at first
- Temptation to check more often early
- Muffin knocks notebook daily
Tips
- Start stupid small: $50/month is fine
- Auto-invest — remove decision power
- Check quarterly — set calendar reminder
- Buffer first — safety net kills fear
- Be boring — boring beats broke
Favorite? Target-date fund + panic-proof rules combo.
Future richer—without daily stress.
The Real Bit
Influencers sell excitement. Markets reward boredom.
The less you do, the better you usually do.
The less you listen to random voices, the clearer your own path becomes.
Discipline isn’t daily decisions. It’s building systems you can’t easily break.
Systems like this can build $10k–50k in 5–10 years with modest contributions — my bank (and sanity) agree!
Twists, Flops, Muffin Madness
Wild ride. Curry spill? Muffin knocked my phone into sauce. Cleaned up grumbling.
Flops: Tempted to check during dip (calendar reminder stopped me). Slow growth felt boring.
Wins: Shared rules with niece — her cheers kept me honest.
Muffin’s laptop nap added chaos and cuddles — no-influencer buddy?
Aftermath: Worth It?
Months on, portfolio growing steadily.
Habits protect me from hype. No emotional trades.
Not perfect—market dips still scare—but I’m still invested.
Low startup, low noise. Beats influencer rollercoaster.
Want to invest without the noise? Try it. Start with target-date auto-invest.
What’s your influencer-free investing? Drop ideas or flops below — I’m all ears!
Let’s keep the growth coming — quietly!